Day 24 – Magkaisa

There was more mundane details today… my Lola who rarely leaves her condo was guilt tripped into coming with us all the way to the SM Mall of Asia which was really fun and a good experience for all of us.  Just now our family gathered in my Lola’s room for some stories and some really awkward advice in the form of a two minute lecture but it was nice, even if I was impatient because I had heard many of the stories, I enjoy being in the company of my Lola, I cannot take the blessing of being with her for granted.

But anyway… I’d rather fills this entry with a wrap up… and how I felt about this trip overall (not a summary as much as an analysis)

I came into this year, this trip thinking that I didn’t really belong in the United States.  And I reflected upon that today as I walked through the Tiangge for some reason.  Oh it was that I remembered identifying as a Pilipino or a Pil-Am from a very young age, I knew I was different from my friends at school (I went to a pretty white school) much of which was probably highlighted by the fact that while all my friends went on summer vacations to Tahoe, Vegas, LA, Florida, Yosemite and other such things, I would go with my family every summer to the Philippines.

On the similar and apprehensive note, I came into this trip also feeling like I didn’t necessarily belong in the Republic of the Philippines either.  I have a very misconstrued and second hand idea of what my culture as a Pilipino is and I can barely manage to put together a coherent sentence in Tagalog even after pondering about what to say for several minutes.

As I reflect on who I am today I find so many contradictions, I am too dark to belong in America but way too fair to look like a Pilipino.  When I come “home” to the Philippines I can hardly begin to call it home as it is still such a foreign place to me.  I find myself without a choice but to identify as a Pilipino-American, as much as I want to deny, or at least hide, the latter.  While my spirit and heart may be Pilipino, my body and customs and norms are definitely America. 

I came into this trip to the Philippines with mixed feelings, knowing this journal would help serve as an exploration into myself, into finding my identity.  I also predicted the theme of the journal which I still think holds true which is “Somewhere I Belong” as in the Linkin Park song.  When you struggle for identity and a place to belong you no doubt tend to think mostly of the extremes.  When I think about how I do not belong in America even though most of my friends—Pilipino, other people of color, or white—do not see me for my color or ethnicity, the times when I have been picked out are the ones that stick out… times when we would just sit and chill in McDonalds as punk kids mocked us, the stupid stereotypes in the media and from high school, and most recently, and sadly the most intensely, the blatant racism and attacked against close friends, the Pilipino community, and other communities of color in UCLA.  When I think that I am Pilipino, I find that I truly fall short, my skin, my language, my mannerisms all scream America.  My sister and I get funny looks and stares when we walk around together here.  I find myself in conflict with what people say, my family, the government, the media.  I hate the current president of the United States, but what about the presidents of the Philippines?  When will we have a good one?  One that is not corrupt; one that TRULY cares about the people and the preservation of our pride as a country.  On the other hand, when will the U.S. have a president who TRULY cares about all people; and one who is willing to sacrifice the pride of a haughty country in order to serve in the best interest of those people?

To go on about this would take hours, pages, and much more research on my part to fully explain what I am talking about.  Suffice it to say, that it saddens me when I say that I cannot wait to go back home to the States.  My life as I know it resides in California, not in Luzon.  What I tried to really seek out was a way to connect the life I have in California (granted I sometimes feel like I have a life in the Bay and a life in LA but whatever) and the life I would like to live here in the Philippines.  Somehow I wish it could be possible but I really do not know.  Only time will tell… but that is why now, this entry is entitled magkaisa, I want my lives to become one (similarly my two lives in California).  A fitting end to a series of entries of ups and downs good times and bad, some really thoughtful entries and some simply superficial and fun.  In the end, each entry is really just a part of a grander scheme and all of the stories I told are simply a part of one larger story, of my trip, my search for identity, my life.  They all come together to form one story: magkaisa para sa isang kasaysayan.

I read Justin’s email that his experience here has really changed his perspective.  And even though this is my 19^th or 20^th time to have visited the Philippines, I too feel like I have gained new insight and a new perspective on how to view the Republic of the Philippines, the United States of America, the societies of each, and where I fit into the picture.  I told my dad today that when he stops working for JAL my sister and I are basically going to stop visiting here.  It’s a sad reality facing the fact that without the benefits of cheaper airfare traveling here yearly is nearly impossible.  I hope we never truly stop visiting our motherland.  America may be my homeland, but the Philippines will always be my motherland.  And there is always something new to gain from our mothers, and I hope that every time I return here, I will gain something new, some new perspective, a better grasp on the language or culture, something.

So leaving Manila is bittersweet but I can say that I do not consider myself a lost soul.  A lost soul wanders without direction, without purpose.  I have a purpose, and I know a general direction.  I would rather perceive myself to be a traveling soul, a pilgrim on a journey to find that the elusive sense of identity for which I would imagine most 1^st and 2^nd generation immigrants search.  I am not lost, I am on a mission.  So here’s to the journey, and all of my companions and aids I have, and have yet, to encounter.  Let all of our efforts come together to make our load easier.

MAGKAISA!

Mabuhay ng Pilipinas!

Have a nice day!!=)

Day 23 – I’m definitely gonna miss the food.

Shitty day today altogether.  Went around shopping and essentially doing nothing since I have no money left and cant find suitable pasalubongs for pretty much anyone.  Ugh.  And the more I think, the more I realize how many people I might have ot get pasalubongs for and the lack of money that I have to get them.  So… sorry if you don’t get a pasalubong from me… there are just too many people I have in mind and it might be better for us all if I restrain myself from buying pasalubongs for everyone and focus on a select few.  Sorry everyone.

Anyway… in the twilight of our vacation I am definitely ready to go home but one thing I know I am going to miss, besides the people here of course, is the food.  Man we had homemade sinigang today and I had two huge bowls at lunch and another bowl at dinner.  Holy crap.  Best sinigang ever. 

But yea, after shopping, I got my hair cut which was a really good part of the day.  The guy that y cousin recommended to me was really cool and apparently studied in Woodland Hills, CA.  He was really nice and gave me the best haircut he could considering how badly it was cut last time.  It looks pretty good I think.  My family seems to like it.  It’s very easily spikable, which is cool since I haven’t done that (or even been able to) in a long time.

After dinner we found the FIBA tournament going on which is being held in Tokyo, Japan.  FIBA is essentially FIFA for basketball, just replace the f for futbol with the b for basketball.  It was USA vs. Italy.  Pretty good game.  It should be interesting to watch if it is playing back home.  So look out for it.  It will keep me and my dad busy while we wait for a flight to open up.

That’s right folks.  We are not even trying to get on to a plane here tomorrow because of how full the Narita-SF flight looks.  If we went today and didn’t get a plane we would have to stay overnight tomorrow night and in all likelihood the night after since that flight is even more overbooked than the one tomorrow.  So we are trying on the 26^th but even that isn’t guaranteed.  My dad’s officemate Larry emailed my dad with a message reading something like:  “YOU’RE SCREWED!  You might as well get another ticket back to Bohol since you’re probably not getting onto any planes to San Francisco.”  He was exaggerating of course but the reality is that we really are playing  atight game.  We are trying to get back as soon as possible but also trying to save money because if we miss a flight in Narita that means we need to get a last minute hotel room somewhere in Narita everynight until spots open up for us.  The plan to fly to LA failed miserable as the flights to LAX are even more booked than those to SFO.  Although once we’re in Japan if one spot opens to one place and another one to the other I’ll take the LA plane and my dad will take the SFO plane.  Similarly, if one of the two opens up I will fly solo and my dad will stay behind and catch the next opening.  We’re doing pretty much everything in our power to get home without burning a hole in our pockets.

As such, those of you attending Leo’s wedding, please ask forgiveness for me from Leo for missing the ceremony and give the soon-to-be-newlyweds my best wishes and congratulations on their marriage and let them know that I really wanted to be there but such are the circumstances of flying standby.

I do not know what the hell I will be doing for the next two days besides packing and sulking.  Maybe it’s a good time to make some progress in Noli.  I dunno.  Whatever.  I’m upset and tired.  See you all soon!!

Have a nice day!!=)

Day 22 – Mundane Details & the “Yaya Syndrome”

To be quite honest I am just lazy and apathetic right now.  To the point where I really do not want to be doing this entry.  Sorry folks.  But I will elaborate a bit.  For another quote.

“I always mess up some mundane detail.”

“This is not a mundane detail MICHAEL!!”

“This… is… This is a FUCK!”

Anyway, yea to type in about the day which was a mundane day with mundane details would be a ridiculously mundane task, so I won’t.  Although highlights of the day were calling Cheryl who was at Aileen’s big 21 birthday celebration, and logging onto the internet from my laptop at Max’s Fried Chicken in SM MegaMall.

Mikel was here the whole day… starting at lunchtime so it was fun playing with him although he was surprisingly ill-mannered today, not listening and what not.  Gita, Enrique and Emilio came over for dinner and it was like a level 4 typhoon in here.  My dad and I have determined that there is an epidemic in the Philippine which we have coined as the “yaya syndrome” amongst kids here.  We have found that kids in the Philippines tend to be much brattier and more disrespectful when they have yayas taking care of them 24/7.  Because they are yayas, the kids can basically push them around and demand whatever they want from them and the yayas, by definition essentially, do what they can fulfill their demands.  It doesn’t help that the parents also treat the yayas the same way bestowing that same attitude upon their children through simple observation.  The kids then think it is ok to treat their yayas, and by extension anyone else who takes care or looks after them (like Titas and Titos and older cousins).  Such is the yaya syndrome and unfortunately I think Mikel is starting to pick it up. 

Anyway, I do not feel like typing much more.  I seriously feel like I’m stuck in this twilight period between vacation and home and really just want to go home already.  But then the question is:  what exactly is home now?  Is it the Bay like I think it is?  Or is “home” where practically all of my friends (save my Nor*Cal Crew) and Cheryl are?  ::sigh::  Whatever.  Good night everyone.

Have a nice day!!=)

Day 21 – Departure from Bohol – Ninoy Aquino Day

When I got outside I had noticed that it was already getting bright but the sun had yet to peek up over the horizon and that the colors in the sky were still a swirl of royal purples, reds and blues.  I got in a few shots of the magnificent scene and then realized that there was no more memory on the camera!  FRUSTRATIONS!  Not knowing what to delete since it was my dad’s camera I scrambled to find some videos that I took of our annoying ass cousins so I could delete them to free up a lot of space.  Unfortunately by the time that had been done much of the purple had faded into blue.  However the reds were still around, accented by the presence of clouds on the horizon and dark clouds coming in from the ocean side (the sun was rising such that my perspective was looking down the shore of the beach with the sand on the left and the ocean to the right.  I tried doing some time lapse photography but it turned out pretty crappy as most of the pretty colors had faded by the time I got down to taking the time lapse stuff, it would have looked much cooler if I had been able to capture the transition of colors as the sun rose.  As it is, the time lapse is just clouds moving and eventually the sun rises above the clouds and then is covered again, it’s hard to tell though.  Oh well.  I’ll make a video when I have the time.

I returned to the room kinda sad but still happy that I got to see the sunrise, even though I failed to properly capture it on the camera.  We ate breakfast, packed and headed to the airport.  We stopped by some random souvieir shop so my parents could buy some lsat minute pasalubongs and then went to the airport.  I finally got myself around to reading Rizal’s Noli me Tangere today in the airport.  A fairly fitting day to do so as today, August 21^st marks the 23^rd anniversary of the assassination of Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino, whose death sparked the flame which we now know as the People Power Movement and the First Edsa Revolution which ended the Marcos dictatorship.  While I am still confused as to what to think about Rizal, it cannot be denied that his execution was one of the catalysts for the Philippine Revolution against the Spanish who had occupied the islands for centuries.  And also from what I can tell from the first few chapters of Noli I would have gotten along pretty well with him as he seems like a pretty cynical and critical guy.  I think Justin, Aileen, and I would have definitely had a fun time conversing with Dr. Rizal if we had lived back then, and if we held the same sentiments.  I wonder if xanga’s list has Noli me Tangere on there so I can post that as my “Now reading…”

After about an hour of waiting and reading and being annoyed by this enormous annoyance of a Tsinoy kid, we boarded the plane and an hour later we arrived safely in Manila, it’s hella raining here (which caused quite a bit of turbulence as we entered the storm), and I swear we went to a different country instead of a few hundred miles away to a different island.  I am counting down the days til we leave now.  But first I need to do some pasalubong shopping and I want to buy a few CDs from local Pinoy artists.  My dad showed me an article in The Philippine Star, the local newspaper here, which featured the winners of MTV Pilipinas’ VMAs.  I am pretty intrigued with some of the rock artists, although the only hip-hop artist mentioned is actually an R&B artist who I can only suppose is along the lines of sappy songs which I am not particularly interested in.  The winners of the most VMAs was a band called Sandwich whose winning Sugod, according to the article, is inspired by Andres Bonifacio, but with a lighter spin on Bonifacio’s message.  Sounds cool.  I hope the album isn’t more than 450PhP haha.

I am getting also getting my hair did here before I leave but I do not know how to get it cut.  All I know is that I am way too tired of this long hair crap.  I mean it was fun and I still want it semi-long but what I have now is way too out of hand.  I find myself having hair-over-the-eyes emo-status hair all too often, and by accident and yea, that’s definitely not my look.  I dunno what else to do with it though.  My family wants be to cut it short like last summer so I could kinda spike it up and such.  I want that too, but I also want something different.  Any suggestions?  And no I will not get my hair done to look like John Prats!  Bastages.  Nor will I get a perm.  But feel free to comment with suggestions otherwise.

Anyway we went to shop at Rustan’s mall by Poveda for about 10 seconds, actually like 40 minutes but still… it felt really short.  But on the bright side I bought three CDs at a music store of some emo-ish alt rock OPM groups.  They’re decent and all names that came from the article about the MTV Pilipinas VMAs.  One of them even comes with the video that won best animated video, so I am excited for that.  What’s even better is that I got all three CDs for just under 850PhP… less than $17.  Woot!  Fun times.

Anyway after we were supposed to go pasalubong shopping but didn’t because on the way there we saw Tita Osit and Mikel and Edwin and they told us they were going to our Lola’s place.  Mikel was so confused when he saw us he kinda just stared at us in the car for a bit with his big eyes trying to analyze the situation, he kinda gave up and simply said “Hey, what’s going on?”  Precious… simply precious.  Also on the way to Rustan’s we stopped by the site of my mom’s old house which was just sold after my Lolo passed away and Lola was living there all alone.  We passed by and the house had been completely razed.  It was really sad because my sister and I have so many memories in that house, and I can only imagine how many more my mom has.  But despite the sadness, Lola is happy now and that is all that really matters, a site may have been the place where we enjoyed but what matters more than the site itself remaining is that the memories remain in our hearts.

We returned to Lola’s place where Tita Osit, Edwin and Mikel were here with some other family who is apparently related to someone somehow.  I didn’t know them and still don’t.  Whatever.  I played with Mikel the whole time anyway.  Apparently the whole time my Lola was just trying to get rid of them.  Eventually she got fed up and stood up and said she had to change clothes but did not want to be rude and leave them.  It was a clever way of saying “Get the hell out of my condo.”  My sister asked Lola where we were going in response to Lola but no one heard her, luckily, or it would have blown her trick hahaha.  What a character.  Afterward, I was in my room and Mikel was acting up and saying bad words on purpose trying to be cute and so Tita Osit got upset and scolded him and the punishment was no toys and leaving us right then.  It was good to see her discipline the kid.  Mikel is better behaved than most of the kids here suffering from yaya syndrome but still, a little discipline never ends up bad.

After that me, my dad and my sister went down to the internet café for a bit.  We returned and ate dinner even though we weren’t particularly hungry.  Afterwards, we plugged the digital camera into the TV and watched a slideshow of basically our entire trip.  It was a good wrap up of our entire trip, because now it is essentially over, we are just anticipating our departure and doing last minute stuff, its kinda sad and it feels like a twilight zone.  I would very much rather be for sure staying here or already on the way back home.  ::sigh::

In case you didn’t know, our flights are all booked out of Narita, Japan so my dad and I are exploring options for being able to return home on time.  We might be leaving early, on the 23^rd or 24^th if the flights are freer or we might fly to Las Vegas or LA instead of SFO since that adds more possibilities for us.  Las Vegas is more of a last ditch attempt but LA would be ideal since we could quite easily find housing… as in our apartment.  But we will see.  Anyway we had a really great and blessed trip to Bohol and I could not have asked for anything less.  We will be going down to the internet café in a few to check my sister’s roommate situation which comes out on the 21^st in the U.S. I guess at 7am.  After that I can only assume we will crash.  So here’s a preemptory good night everyone!  Take care and hope to see you soon!

Happy Ninoy Aquino Day!  Let his spirit live on… (interstingly enough some might argue that after the Marcos regime ended that the Philippines only ended up worse than it was during his regime… but that opens a whole new can of worms, to talk about Marcos’ initial nationalist movement which ended up to lead him to blind power and dictatorship.  Lets just suffice to say that the spirit of Ninoy should be in the hearts and minds of all true-hearted Pilipin@s so we can bring our country up to the esteem of the rest of the world)  Mabuhay Pilipinas!

Have a nice day!!=)

Day 20 – Bohol Day 4 – “Cuando, Cuando, Cuando”

Woke up today after a really good night’s sleep.  My sister and I met up with my parents for breakfast, which was also a buffet.  We chilled a bit after eating breakfast and then headed to the beach where my mom and dad had inquired about renting a kayak for an hour or two.  This place was the same place the bangka dropped us off yesterday.  My sister and I were game to try out the kayak and I went first.  It was a lot of fun and I paddled around for maybe 5 minutes and came in to give my sister a try.  It was hilarious watching her try to battle the waves as she kinda just stayed in the same spot.  She eventually got a flow going and started moving around.  I jumped back in and went a little further out but I hadn’t known that kayaking was so taxing on my abs, which are really really weak, unfortunately.  I tired very easily.  I came back into shore riding some good waves in this time and handed the kayak over to my mom who wanted to try it as well.  She was just as funny to watch as my sister.  She turned out really good after she got out past the shore.  When she came back in my dad didn’t want to try it fearing that he would be the first to fall over.  But he got in and got a really good flow going right off the bat.  He really seemed to enjoy it.  He came in and got my sister to go again.  At this point I told my dad that since we are all using the kayaks that we should go ahead and rent another one so two cold go ad the same time and so we could try to kayak together.  So we did and we all took turns kayaking with each other.  It was so much fun.  My sister and I went to one of the bangkas anchored there but when we got there my sister stopped rowing and the waves were pushing her directly at the bangka.  I had a close call as well as I almost ran into one of the side supports of the bangka.  Luckily for my sister she managed to go under the bangka between the main boat and the side supports.  It was scary at first, and then hilarious.  My mom thought she meant to do it but I told her it was purely an accident.  After a while, my hands started to blister like a mothereffer.  I guess I wasn’t holding the oar correctly, but I didn’t know what the right way was so… yea.  The bases of my fingers were blistering up and it hurt to paddle, but I did anyway because it was fun.  I am seriously paying for it now as it sting every time I extend my fingers.  Not to mention that while rowing, whenever the blisters made contact with the salt water… well its like pouring salt on a wound… it stung like hell.  Either way it was a really fun experience, one that I would love to do again, maybe as a hobby, although I don’t know where I would kayak around the Bay or LA, the Pacific is way to cold on our side of the ocean, and way to dirty down south.

After kayaking we hit the pool.  The pool was pretty warm still, like it was yesterday and it was hard to determine whether it was cooler in the pool or outside of it.  But nonetheless it was refreshing.  My dad and I tanned on the side while my mom and sister ordered lunch.  We all ordered drinks, I had a delicious banana shake which I pretty much inhaled.  My sister gave me a disgusted look when she saw I had finished so soon.  Kinda irritated me but whatever.  My dad and I tanned and my sister was keeping time so that every 5 minutes my dad could rotate.  After 5 minutes I would run over to the shower to wet my body to lower my body temperature, afraid of heat stroke.  The sun was simply unrelenting and I swear the heat of the sun felt more like both heat and pressure, like an invisible iron scalding my body and pushing it in making it harder to breathe.  It was a good tanning day.  After about half an hour of sunbathing we jumped into the pool to cool off.  It felt so good to hit the pool.  My dad and I ordered San Mig Lights and sandwiches from the pool.  Man when the beer came it really hit the right spot to cool us down.

After lunch (which we ate at around 2pm) I headed back to the room to do a couple of journals and then head to the business office which also served as an internet café.  While I was typing in the room my sister and I were watching the end of The Wedding Date.  My sister went ahead to the internet café while I stayed back to write a few more emails in anticipation for the use of the internet.  I followed and had a text conversation with Justin about how to get our hair done before we leave for the States.  Justin said we should switch places and that he should straighten his hair while I perm mine so its curly.  Haha.  No thanks though.

At the internet café, my dad came and left and the ladies working there started to tsismis in Tagalog after he left, apparently thinking that I couldn’t understand since I was speaking to my dad in English and since he looks white.  They were trying to figure out if my dad was German, but he spoke English to me and perfect Tagalog to them.   I just laughed to myself.  I was able to talk to Cheryl online and things are a lot better between us, although we still have stuff to talk about.  It’s a relief after our phone conversation ended so crappily.

After this we went back to the rooms to relax some more and my sister and I began  watching Sleepless in Seattle.  I have never seen the movie.  It seemed pretty good though.  Meanwhile I was working on Big Brain Academy for my Nintendo DS and finally got an A with the brain type of an architect.  I was so excited!  Whee.  Anyway we went to dinner after and brought nice clothes as we were going to take pictures which might be Christmas pictures.

At dinner, I had more pineapples and hella sinigang.  I am definitely gonna miss freshly made sinigang here, the powdered stuff is good but doesn’t even come close.  Anyway last night, same with tonight there was musical entertainment.  A quartet of guitarists and vocalists came around to each table to sing.  Last night they took all requests after they played “If” with e special dedication to my sister who asked for them to come over.  After ward they took our requests of “Cuando, Cuando, Cuando” by Michael Buble and “What a Wonderful World.”  Today, an entirely new set of four guys came over and the first song they were practicing sounded really familiar, the twang of the first few notes was too distinct.  All of a sudden they started singing “Tell me when will you be mine / Tell me cuando cuando cuando.”  It was a trip and we all looked at each other in amazement.  Anyway.  After dinner we went to the beach and stargazed a bit.  I lay down in a hammock for a bit but the palm leaves of the trees were too distracting to my stargazing so I joined my family and I finally saw the dinosaur my sister was talking about.  We went back in, showered and now will crash.  I want to wake up tomorrow morning to watch the sunrise over the beach.  That would be sexy.  Alarm is set for 5am.  Gnite everyone!

Have a nice day!!=)